Finding Her Part 1

Monday, December 15, 2008

It was a wonderful evening of bright skies with fresh air blowing through my ears and nose, while creating beautiful sounds of mango leaves, harmony waves of coconut trees. The small group of birds flew towards the top roof of Pak Anjang’s house, a few of cows was making a series of mbooo sound. From my sight under the porch, there were some kids playing origami ship over a stream below a small bridge, about a dozen feet from the roadway. It put on my face a few good smiles because of imagining my childhood memory with my friends. But deep inside myself was not as peace as that peaceful scenery. I was still struggling to answer so many questions. Suddenly, the wind blew hardly against the windows and the doors. The wave of the coconut trees was getting faster and faster, and the scary feeling made me suddenly rushed to my bedroom. Mak Nder, went officially missing from my life on 3rd October, 5 minutes after 11 A.M. I had been thinking around the clock, my eyelids got darker and darker, my beard got longer and longer, so did my moustache, and it had been three days of no sleep. I laid myself on my bed, I took my blanket and covered up my face to get rid of this aggravation.

“Uda!! Come here and have some coffe”. Suddenly I was jerked by Mom’s voice
“ Yes mom, I’m coming!!” I replied and got myself up of that bed. My words was polite, but my tone was not. I was speaking the way I speak when I’m sad. Mak Nder, she was everything in my head now, no one else can replace her, and even the most beautiful woman in Malaysia can’t. No,no,no,no!! I really missed her. And I hope, she knew what is like of being abandoned like this. It was really hard. When I was just got out of my bedroom and approaching the dinner table, mom stared at me in the eyes.
“Are you ok son??” She asked with serious lift of her eyebrow. I didn’t reply and frighteningly I turned my sight down to the floor, so that she would never able to see my weird looking face, and start asking me some serious questions that definitely perhaps too difficult for me to answer. I approached the dinner table quickly to get a cup of coffee, and without a single word, mom went back to the kitchen with a short sharp knife in her right hand, to continue her daily task in the kitchen, making homemade cake, buahhulu.
“Fuhhh!!”.what a release because she didn’t noticed it, but my mind kept thinking about Mak Nder, which I assumed as a biggest lost in my life so far and I never met such a great person like her before. She was the one who motivated me to be a better musician, she was the one who only can help me when I’m on stage, and she was the only friend who always keeps me companied, and she was the only girlfriend I had for now. With her white creamy skin, clean and smooth, beautiful body, very nice voice, probably the best voice I ever heard in the world. Even she was about 2 times older than my age, but I adore the way she looked, the way she moved, and her infectious smile. There were so many reasons why I love her so much. Oh no, please comeback to me my dear Nder. Where did you go? Why did you leave me? Or someone took you from me? Suddenly I felt like my brain was about to explode, weighed a ton of questions, lifted a ton of tensions.

Ayim was on her way to my house, because I asked him for some help. I went back to the the porch outside of the house. The speed of the wind got slower than when I was inside the house, the bright sky was getting darker, the cows were on the way back to their cage. There was a wood-made chair in the left side corner, towards the east inside Dad’s car garage, and I walked to the garage and grabbed that chair, put in the middle of the driveway and I sat on it with another cup of coffee in my hand, waiting for Ayim to come. The kids below the small bridge, watched at me curiously, but I did not reacted to them, just ignorantly changed my sight to the wave of coconut trees. I used to sit on that wood-made chair with Mak Nder, working together in making good music, and good songs, sang together Eric Clapton’s Layla. Untill now, I couldn’t bear that suffer of madness when I woke up in that morning, she was gone in a blink of an eye from my life. I looked upon the clock at the top side of the garage’s wall, it was almost 10 minutes after 6, and Ayim still didn’t show up himself. While I was getting tired of 1 hour waiting, I got up of the chair and took my mp3 player of my pocket, put on my ears an earphone and closed my eyes.

“Dude, sorry for the late. Hehehe” someone said.I abruptly opened my eyes, and got up of that chair again.

“There you go. Where have you been??” I replied with deep curiosity.-Rocko Mohamad

To Be Continued….

Citra Dari Dara

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Aku tahu…
Di kamar Kecil tinggal hati kerdil..
Sunyi sepi hari mari dan pergi..
Berkurung menung mengimbau cinta lampau..
Jiwa kacau-sasau,darah berderau-bilau..

Di kamar Kecil tinggal hati kerdil..
Air mengalir di pipi,tak terukir kata di bibir..
Wajah listrik walhal memekik perit..
Tubuh statik alahai bertempik sakit..

Di kamar Kecil tinggal hati kerdil..
Menggersang teman usang yang telah hilang..
Membayang asmara sayang yang tak lagi datang..

Mengangan kasih suci yang sejati..
Menahan pedih duri di dasar hati..

aku tahu citra dari dara-Rocko Mohamad

A Letter To Sasha

Monday, December 1, 2008

January 12, 2009

Dear Sasha,

Happy new year Sasha! How are you? How are things going in Rembau? I must say, I still miss that little place, and I wanted to go there so badly, but somehow, it’s too late, because of what has happened between you and me. But I still remember your mom’s house at Triang, Temerloh, I bet you do still remember those fascinating and memorable moments, that we’ve been through together. And you used to always tell me about wanting to go to my parents house, and getting know about them, and I kept denying your request. Oh my God, sorry, I really want to say these things for old time’s sake. No offense ok.

Sasha, it has been a few years I haven’t hear anything from you, lately I’ve been wondering where are you, and what are you doing right now. Simply said, I’m just a little bit of missing you, but just don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to talk about getting back to you, or still loving you, but it’s all just my curiosity about you. I want you to know that I am myself truly now with mixed feelings inside, happy about my new life but sad of lonely life without someone to love or to be loved. Hahaha..Well, you know I didn’t make it easy after we’ve broke up, so did you right? I know, it’s all my mistakes.

As for me, I am quite busy these days on the final year of Unikl and the streets music performance with LARA . In Unikl, I’m entering Semester 4 now, and it’s going to end soon. I am enjoying them so far , but i still cant imagine who I am now, if I’m successfully graduated from Uitm Penang, I could have a great job, a beautiful wife and a happy family. But this is life, and this is my destiny. I got loses part, and I got wins part. Most part of my life’e is the loses part. How bout you? I’ve heard rumors about u’re working as an IPTS college admin at Nilai right? And u’re getting engaged with someone right? You know what, I’m truly happy with your life now, and I think I did make a right decision asking you to leave me and find someone is better than me. Is he better than me? Yeah, of coz he is.

Sasha, it’s time for me to stop writing now. Well, I don’t want to annoy you by flashing back all those memory, I just want you to know that I’m so proud of being part of your memory, and to me there aren’t words, there aren’t thoughts could describe what has happened between you and me. Now I realize that I can’t ever forget about you. No matter what, You got to take good care of yourself, and I’ll be praying always for your happiness.

Yours truly,

Rocko Mohamad